Are you a good listener?
Are you a good listener?
Most people think they are, in fact 96% of people across studies claim to be good listeners.
When asked if you think others are good listeners – only 1 in 4, 25% of others are believed to actually be good listeners.
Fact is, most of us are good “responders”. We listen in order to respond. We tend to stop active listening about 50% of the way through a message (so it makes sense that most people can only recall 50% of conversations) and instead, start to focus on what we want to say in response.
That means that we are making a ton of assumptions. And that has consequences.
This can happen in every meeting, in every conversation, in every negotiation, every day.
The good news is that listening is a skill and because it is a skill, you can practice it, and you can get better at it.
One simple thing you can try – try not to respond right away!
Instead, try the exercise “The Last Word”.
In any conversation, challenge yourself to listen to everything the other person is saying, pay attention to what they are saying and how they are saying it and, do not form a response until you hear their very last word.
In doing this exercise in-person with clients, people would be in pairs, and everyone is instructed to form their response starting with the last word their partner says – so they can’t craft their response in advance, they can’t think about what they are going to say before their partner has finished talking. Once you’ve practiced this a bit for fun, you are ready to take this skill out for some real world experience.
In doing so, you will hear the whole story and not just your assumptions, so you will have a deeper understanding of the issues discussed; absorbing new information, ideas and perspectives.
You will enhance your relationships as those you are speaking with will feel like you actually heard them – and we know how rare that is! This makes them feel valued and they will have more positive feelings towards you.
Listening is one of the most important skills that leader can have and it cultivates a more inclusive and innovative culture.
Benefits of Better listening:
– Builds trust, increases empathy and compassion, strengthens relationships, reduces conflict, improves collaboration, heightens connection, enhances problem solving, fosters creativity, demonstrates respect and, promotes overall well-being.
So… next time you are in a conversation ask yourself first:
Are you listening to respond or listening to understand?
